ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
