I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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