How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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