i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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