Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
