I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Send help, water and tortillas.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
