Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I could make wine with my vomit
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
