Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
