i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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