Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
