All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
