My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
