My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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