Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
