Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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