some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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