He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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