Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
