You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!