I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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