This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
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True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.