I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
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arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.