I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???