3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about