i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??