dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
