I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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