I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
