If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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