Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
