Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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