paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
