something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
