Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i now understand why vodka
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
