Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
