Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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