it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
