I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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