last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
