I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
where does the pee come out of this thing
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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