Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
