I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
