just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
