new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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