she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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