Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
