I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
