How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
