that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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