just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
