please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize