ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I want to make a zoo with you.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
