I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
