but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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