i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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