Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
