Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
