You smell like stripper and shame
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
