I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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