I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
birth control should be required to get into college
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
