i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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