Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
