I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
