This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
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masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
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I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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