If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
