don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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