Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
