i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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