I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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