I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
