his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
